India is at war with itself. There are a million mutinies brewing now that should make a VS Naipaul proud. Viru is up in arms against Dhoni. Hesh and Lee are still at loggerheads. Anna Hazare and Arvind Kejriwal don’t see eye to eye. There is talk of Vasundhara Raje rebelling against the BJP. Sharad Pawar is plotting against Prithviraj Chavan. And Mamata is abetting Mulayam’s uprising against the UPA.
Meanwhile the landless are livid, the middle class is mad, factory workers are furious and industrialists are irate. In this agitated atmosphere, we look like a country on the verge of reaching our boiling point. May be it’s time we cooled off with a little levity. What we sorely need today is a bit of everyday humour to perk ourselves up.
I have an elegant solution to cure our collective grouchiness. Let’s start by giving our newborns some really whimsical names.
Suppose you happen to be a bloke named Ram with a soft corner for the saffron party, you can actually plan on procreating a mini Sangh Parivar by naming your kids: Narendra, Sushma, Arun, Yashwant and Nitin. If Sushma wants to tonsure her head at the drop of a hat, Narendra is a riot, Arun grows up to be the Argumentative Indian, Yashwant insists on micro managing your budget and Nitin earns a mota maal, then you’ll have proof for the saying ‘ram naam satya hai’ (ram’s names were right)!
In case you’re Padma Nabhan, the deprived soul who’s never even won a participation certificate, you can light up your life by calling your kids ‘Padma Shree’, ‘Padma Bhushan’ and ‘Padma Vibhushan’. This way, you’ll become the toast of your kith and kin and every time you go to a family function with your children in tow, everyone will want a photo-op with your award-winning family.
And if you’re Pradeep Sarkar, how about naming your son as Bharat Sarkar? At least that’ll give you the legitimate bragging rights to claim ‘Ab Bharat Sarkar mera hai' (the Indian government is mine).
Now that you know the trick to spread some sunshine, go on, spawn a thousand fun names!