Best Names of 2016

I’ve always wondered why there’s no Nobel Prize for Naming or an Oscar for outstanding nomenclature. Surely in a universe with more than a billion names, we need to ensure the good ones get celebrated, right? That’s why I created the Rumpies.

‘Rumpies’ is a nod to Rumpelstiltskin, the most unusual name of a fairy tale goblin legendary for turning straw into gold. After scouring through thousands of names across multiple categories, I’ve whimsically picked the winsome candidates worthy of a Rumpy by using my subjectively objective judgement. If you agree with my choice, applaud. If you disagree, you still have no choice but to applaud.

My first Rumpy is for the Best English Movie Title. I almost awarded it to the war comedy ‘Whiskey Tango Foxtrot’ for clever usage of the NATO phonetic alphabet to convey the ‘WTF’ feeling. But then I changed my mind in favour of the Clint Eastwood biographical drama ‘Sully’. Why ‘Sully’ you may ask? Well, the film is about Captain Sullenberger aka ‘Sully’ and a federal invesigation that threatens to tarnish his heroic reputation. The subtle use of wordplay to capture the plot, was quite ingenious, in my view.

Among the Hindi movies, two titles caught my fancy: the zen koanish ‘Buddha in a Traffic Jam’ and Balki’s ‘Ki & Ka’. My final vote was for ‘Ki & Ka’ as it felt very refreshing to the ear, given it was woven around the same old plot about a Ladka and a Ladki.

Siddharth starrer ‘Jil Jung Juk’ was the clear winner in Tamil. It’s derived from an old Vadivel dialogue that classifies the world into three kinds: Jil (the good), Jung (the average) and Juk (the unworthy). To me, ‘Jil Jung Juk’ felt funky, intriguing and very original. Talking of intrigue, the mallu movie title that got me all excited was ‘Amoeba’, a film that revolves around the fear of endosulfan poisoning. In Telugu, it was ‘Ism’, the Kalyan Ram flick about a protagonist who practises good journalism.

The Best Book Title, by a mile, was the very poetic memoir ‘When Breath Becomes Air’ by neurosurgeon Paul Kalanithi. My Rumpy for the ‘Best New Band Name’ went to ‘Kississippi’, the Indie folk duo from Pennsylavnia. The Best Baby Name was Saifeena’s ‘Taimur’ for starting a whole new conversation on history. And the Best Indian Brand Name was ‘Jio’ for being a mirror image of Oil, the real money spinner for Reliance. There are many more that deserve recognition. We’ll reserve it for the happy new year.

The Best Names of 2012

A name is a tattoo that gets etched in the brain. A forgettable name is like a temporary tattoo while a memorable name is a permanent tattoo that leaves a lasting impression.

The year 2012 threw up thousands of instantly vanishing brain tattoos, a few erasably average imprints, and some indelible ones that actually made a deep impact. I am gonna serve you the cream of the cream, culled out by yours truly.

Best Band Name: It was a toss up between the party punk peddling Ohio band ‘Hookers Made Out Of Cocaine’ and the Australian garage pop duo ‘Bleeding Knees Club’. ‘Hookers’ seems like a concoction designed to create shock value, while BKC does the job without really trying too hard. So my vote is for the Bleeders.

Best Named English Movie: Four films caught my eye. The Osama manhunt themed ‘Zero Dark Thirty’, Bruce Willis starrer ‘The Cold Light of Day’, romantic comedy ‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting’ and the time travel drama ‘Looper’. I picked none of these. Instead, I flipped for the bombastic appeal of ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’.

Best Bollywood Title: In a field populated with foul-mouthed college slangers like ‘Kismet Paisa Love Dhoka (KLPD)’, ‘Bumboo’ and ‘Fatso’, comedy drama ‘Ferrari Ki Sawaari’, Shoojit Sircar’s ‘Vicky Donor’ and Gauri Shinde’s ‘English Vinglish’ felt a lot more evolved. In the end, the prancing car won the race for its out-of-the-box titling.

Best South Indian Film Title: Rajamouli’s runaway hit starring the humble housefly had a clever name in ‘Eega’. But more fascinating were Balaji Mohan’s sophomorish ‘Kaadhalil Sodhappuvadhu Yeppadi’, Prabhu Solomon’s refreshingly catchy ‘Kumki’ and the brilliantly named ‘Naduvula Konjam Pakkatha Kaanom’. Packaging an amnesia tale by alluding to missing chapters in the middle was truly ingenious. So NKPK it is.

Best Book Title: Breathe easy folks. The mommy porn ’50 Shades of Grey’ is not my winner. That crown belongs to Ryan Holiday’s ‘Trust Me, I’m Lying’, the confessions of a media manipulator!

Best Celebrity Baby Name: Ash’s ‘Aaradhya’ or Uma Thurman’s 7-word wonder ‘Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson’ was no match for Reese Witherspoon’s ‘Tennesssee’- a charming nod to the playwright Tennessee Williams!