The 400 Crore Question

One question has dominated the consciousness of every Indian male for the last fortnight or so. No, it’s not: ‘Will we ever get to see acche din?’

Take a second guess. Did you say, “Will Rohit Sharma ever outgrow his Nohit Sharma nickname?” Wrong! Go on, give it more shot. Sorry it’s got nothing to do with Alia Bhatt’s IQ.

It’s the alimony, dammit! That Suzanne Khan Roshan is supposed to have asked our poor Hrithik for the favour of dissolving their marriage. The staggering 400 crore figure - which has been rubbished by the celeb couple - made all the males of our society wonder secretly about the exorbitant price they paid for tying the knot.

Being a name smith and a bachelor boy to boot, the larger question that weighed on my mind was: will Suzanne drop her surname in her new state of Splitsville? That might be a tad unfair for her kids Hridhaan and Hrehaan. Because they might want to tap into their dad’s equity when they grow up.

But then again, what happens to Suzanne if she decides to see someone else? Obviously the Roshan tag is a telegraphic way of saying, ‘Look I still haven’t gotten over my first husband’. So the obvious temptation would be to switch back to the maiden name which happens to be Suzanne Khan.

A real knotty issue will arise if and when she weds the second time. Would she swap Roshan for her new hubby’s surname? Or would she stick to Khan given her past experience? These are the kind of dilemmas faced by most Indian women. Strangely not much thought is given to these problems. Thankfully we have enough case studies to guide us.

Jennifer Aniston changed her legal name to Jennifer Pitt after marrying Brad Pitt but she was smart enough to continue using Jennifer Aniston as her professional name. So divorce or not, it didn’t affect her one bit.

Susan Sarandon (born Susan Tomalin) on the contrary decided to stick with Sarandon as she found it ‘a very good name’. Pop star Tina Turner’s excuse for retaining her husband’s name even after break up was far more practical – it was the name that made her famous.

In my view, actress Elizabeth Taylor has a lot of lessons to offer Suzanne. She married a record 8 times. But she was always the same old Liz Taylor!

Partying with the Kejriwals.

Right Wingers swear that they are Naxalites. Left Wingers aver that they are Saffron Chaddiwalas. Conspiracy theorists whisper that they are Congress Agents. While the Congress thinks they are nuts!

So how does one slot Team Anna? Are they the proverbial elephant being pre-judged by the ideologically blinded? Things will get clearer when Kejriwal & Co pick a suitable name for their party.

Meanwhile let’s analyze their options. ‘Swaraj’ and ‘India Against Corruption (IAC)’ are two names doing the rounds. ‘Swaraj’ has gained currency as Arvind has penned a book by the same name. And ‘IAC’ must have been floated as it’s been spearheading the anti-corruption movement for the last two years.

Although single minded and powerful, ‘India Against Corruption’ is highly unlikely as it sounds like a mouthful and feels like a one-issue party. ’Swaraj’ on the other hand is highly evocative and stirs the imagery of ‘liberation’ as voiced by Tilak and ‘rule of the self’ as imagined by Gandhi. Given his newfound love for ‘the village and the farmer’, I am sure Arvind Kejriwal would plump for ‘Swaraj’.

But there are some basic naming issues to be taken into consideration. The domain Swaraj.org has already been taken by Swaraj Foundation, an NGO that focuses on community development. There are two ways to circumvent the problem: call it ‘Swaraj Party’ or ‘Swaraj Andolan’. But Swaraj Party reads ‘SP’ when abbreviated and we all know SP is Samajwadi Party, so that’s out. ‘Swaraj Andolan’ is a likely prospect as ‘Andolan’ gives it a movement feel.

‘Anna Dal’ is another suggestion that’s become popular. But it is personality-centric and seems like a poorer cousin of Apna Dal. Also, it could be spoofed as ‘Anna Dalal’. Humorist Ramesh Srivats has come up with the baap of all names. He’s proposed Bharatiya Anna’s Alternative Party (BAAP)!

‘Parivartan’ or ‘Change’ is a dark horse that might clinch it as Kejriwal already runs an outfit by this moniker. If I had a say, I’d pick ‘Jai Hind!’ where JAI can stand for Jan Andolan for Inquilab (People’s Movement for a Revolution). That way, every time someone utters ‘Jai Hind’, they’d be unknowingly campaigning for the party!