Thursday, March 1, 2012

A Whiff of Exotica

An average woman can identify 10,000 distinct odours. While an average man can just about manage 5000 aromas. That explains why the female species can sniff out your stinky socks from a mile. That also sheds new light on why ‘guys like us’ can’t even tell the difference between perfumes, colognes and deodorants.

For the olfactorily-challenged: Cologne has just 3 to 6% solution of fragrance oil in 70% grade alcohol; Deodorant has 6 to 15% fragrance in 80% grade alcohol; and Perfume has 15 to 25% in 100% ethyl alcohol. In pure aura terms, the difference is the same as the one between Any Aishwarya, Aishwarya Rajnikant and Aishwarya Rai.

Now that we’ve got that monkey off our back, let’s understand why women fall hook, line and sinker for parfums (that’s how the French spell it).

Perfumistas opine that the prime motive could be to ensnare a man by triggering pheromones that stimulate a sensual feeling inside her mate. I’d like to think that’s utter poppycock. The driving force at work here is the masochistic urge of the woman to make the man pay the price for putting up with his insufferable company.

Yes sir, the perfume is her payback for overcoming the stench of your presence. You better wake up to this unsavoury reality the next time you gift her that unpronounceable scented oil in that obscenely expensive bottle.

To help you cut your losses, I am gonna give you a little tip. The more grandiosely exotic the name of the parfum, the more it’s gonna hurt your wallet. As in, if it’s Zeste Mandarine Pampelmousse (French for ‘Spirit of Orange & Graperfruit’), Drakkar Noir (Black Dragonship) or Kokorico (Cock-a-doodle-do), it’s always going to cost you more than our humble Spinz.

Another trick is to request the pretty salesgirl for a demystification of the perfume name. If she says ‘Un Jardin Sur Le Nil’ translates to ’A garden on the Nile’ it just means that your chick will end up smelling like an Egyptian mango. Shelling out a ransom for an aam flavour? Now if that’s not paying through your nose, I don’t what else is!