A Spello of Good Luck

In a nation where vegetable buffs are peddled on every street, mango sheikhs are served in cool bars, gopi manchurian is passed off as an uppetizer, green peace pulao is given the pride of place and everyone is happy munching on snakes and guzzling child beer, it is quite natural to blame the daily abuse of the English language on poverty and semi-literacy. I’d like to add one more culprit to the list of accused: Numerology.

Yes, the science of numbers deserves to be hauled up for converting us into a country of dyslexics. More specifically, the quack numerologists, who recommend committing typos in the name of good fortune, need to be subjected to a Spanish Inquisition of sorts.

Wondering why? Let’s examine the slippery premise of the snake oil salesmen parading as numerologists. They claim a ‘Singh Is King’ will be unsuccessful but a ‘Singh Is Kinng’ will be a blockbuster. ‘Hey Baby’ will be a flop, while ‘Heyy Babyy’ will be a moolah-raker. The apparent logic being, by adding an ‘N’ here and a ‘Y’ there, we are changing the planets that could influence the destiny of the name!

If we could just trick the evil planets into vamoosing from our lives by using the mere device of a few letters, then why on earth cannot we pull Ethiopia out of poverty by renaming it as ‘Ethiopiaaaaaah’? If numerologists knew the secret sauce to concoct billionaires, then why haven’t they tried it themselves?

The Dinesh Karthik case study is enough to silence the charlatans, once for all. Poor chap, when he began his cricketing career he was KKD Karthik. Someone whispered into his ear that if he wants greater glory he must become KD Karthik. Unfortunately nothing happened, so he chose Dinesh Karthik. Many years of struggle ensued forcing him to consider Dinesh Karthick. And then, Dinesh Kaarthick. Still Lady Luck eluded him. Frustrated, our man switched back to Dinesh Karthik. Six name changes later, DK is now a rock star. Hopefully the Ajay Devgns, Suniel Shettys, Kirron Khers, Tamannaahs, Shobhaa Des, Irrfans and other spell check defying names are listening.