Back to the roots.

In a nation that has innumerable conversations over trifling matters such as Arnab’s noisy exit and the return of ‘Koffee with Karan’, it helps to keep injecting more trivial topics for discussion just to keep the chattering classes busy.

So I’d like to formally table the need for toponymic surnames to the grand conveyor belt of inane national confabulations. Now, ‘Toponymic surnames’ may sound like a yawn-worthy dissertation topic but it’s actually far more interesting than you think. Simply put, these are last names derived from place names.

To give you a lightning speed crash course, let’s examine the name Johann Sebastian Bach. Bach, as you know, is one of the greatest composers of classical music. His surname literally means ‘someone who lives by a stream’. Next, let’s put Quentin Tarantino under the microscope. Tarantino is an indication that Quentin’s forefathers might have been from Taranto, a city in South East Italy. Charles Lindbergh is another name worth exploring. Lindbergh, was the first person to do a transatlantic flight all by himself. His last name is European in origin. If one breaks it down, Lind in Swedish, is ‘lime’ and ‘Bergh’ is ‘mountain’. It’s a cue that he draws his roots from an area with a lime mountain.

That in a nutshell is a toponymic surname. Leonardo DiCaprio has it. So do Sachin Tendulkar, Jane Fonda and Bob Marley. The beauty of it is that it doesn’t overtly give the ears any inkling of gender. Nor does it drop a hint of the class or caste. Which is precisely why, I think it’ll make a fab master template for India.

For long, we’ve been stuck with surnames that have a caste overtone. A ‘Chaturvedi’ is an in-your-face assertion of punditry. While a ‘Chamar’ is a harsh daily reminder of social inequity. Given what we’ve gone through for centuries, it’s time to outgrow the narrow confines defined by surnames.

And it’s time we asked as to why an Agarwal should be perceived as a Bania all his life? Why must an Iyer always be viewed through the prism of his sacred thread? Isn’t there a way we could arrive at a surname without any social baggage and yet be rooted to our culture?

Place-based surnames offer that freedom. Some liberal poets discovered this secret way before us. That’s why you have a Majrooh Sultanpuri, Sahir Ludhianvi, Shakeel Badayuni and a Hasrat Jaipuri. If you wish to carry on their tradition, perhaps you should start with your hometown and add it as your appellation.

Inner City Express

We are all frogs in our own shallow wells with little or no interest in what the other toads are up to. We show a semblance of interest in the rest of the world only if it fills our time or adds to our utility in any way. I am no exception. My universe begins at home and ends at office. Any place outside this radius is another galaxy.

So when somebody asked me, the other day, about the origins of the name Secunderabad, I just froze like a zombie. A little demon in my head whispered: make something up and sound knowledgeable. With all seriousness I could muster, I told my audience very authoritatively that since Secunderabad happens to be the twin city, they coined the term ‘Second-rabad’. And over time it became Secunderabad. My friends nodded wisely and left me in peace.

Ashamed at myself, I decided to atone for life by learning about as many cities as I can. I decided to start with India. And swore to figure out the etymology of all the places I’ve never been to. I call this mental journey the ‘Inner City Express’. Hop on and take the window seat to catch a glimpse of what I’ve picked so far.

Agartala is not an iffy lock. It’s a made up name from Agar (a perfume tree) & tala (a store house). Apparently, the capital city of Tripura was teeming with these trees once upon a time. That’s why!

Buxar has no connection with boxers. It’s a derivation from Bagh-Sar or Tiger Tank. The story goes that Rishi Vedshira who had been cursed by badass Durvasa to have a tiger face, got back his handsome looks when he took a dip in the tank.

Aizawl literally means a field of wild cardamoms. Warangal is from ‘orugallu’ or ‘the city built from one stone’. Cuttack is the anglicised version of the Sanskrit ‘Katak’ (fort). Gulbarga is Persian for ‘flower garden’. Ludhiana was originally called ‘Lodi-Ana’ (the Lodi’s Palace) - after the dynasty that established the city. Nainital got its name from the Naina Devi temple near the tal (lake). Likewise, Mangalore is named after the local deity Mangaladevi. I’ve got many more stories. Will share them the day you find out about Secunderabad!

Blue Waters & White Sand

You’ve done enough of keyboard crunching, facebook reading and selfie gaping for the year. It’s time you pulled the plug on Candy Crush Saga and gifted yourself a real sweet vacation where you can shoot the breeze over a tequila sunset in a blue lagoon with Pink Floyd for aural company.

You should try destinations that won’t cost you an arm and a leg. We recommend islands with interesting name histories. Maldives, for instance. Derived from Maalai Theevu (‘garland of islands’ in Tamil), Maldives is apparently the lowest country in the world with an average ground level that’s just 1.5 meters above sea level. A necklace of 1900 coral islands, it’s a great holiday spot for snorkelling, kayaking, windsurfing and by the way, coochie cooing.

If you’re a cultural gypsy, Bali might pique your curiosity. An ode to Vali, the vanara prince of Ramayana, who apparently moved to the island with his wife Tara and five hundred others, Bali is a predominantly Hindu region with over 20,000 temples. A volcano mountain, black sand beaches, dolphin tour, and the world’s most expensive coffee (made from cat poop) add to the Balinese charm.

If you’re the type who likes to mix business with pleasure, Canary Islands is the haven you must head to. Off the northwest coast of Africa, the Spanish archipelago inherited its name from Islas Canarias (Latin for ‘Island of the Dogs’) ostensibly because it contained ‘vast multitudes of dogs of very large size’. Ideal for some leisurely money laundering, Canary Islands also offers thrills such as designer-made salt water swimming pools, aquatic Thai-themed water park, diving trips to spot the endangered Loggerhead Turtle, and the third largest volcano.

For the well-heeled, we shall point you to the Venga Boys’ fantasy land ‘Ibiza’. Founded in 654 BC, and originally called ‘Ibossim’ as a dedication to Bes, the god of music and dance, the Mediterranean island in eastern Spain, is aptly the birth place of rave and the clubbing capital of the globe.

Then there’s Bahamas (Spanish for ‘low sea’), Madagascar (a corrupted form of Mogadishu as Marco Polo had confused it with the Somali port), and many more azure atolls. So set sail free spirit and come back with a catch of great memories.