The Secret World of Passwords

If your name is the public face of your identity, your password is the veiled visage of your Freudian subconscious. A lot can be deciphered by studying that mystery word clothed in asterisks.

If I had the powers, I would pinch some small change from the 40,000-crore Sai Baba Trust and institute an Indian Institute of Cryptobabble. The mandate of this madcap research foundation would be to map out psychological profiles based on password analysis. As I see it, at least 5 personality types can be derived after dissecting username keys.

Type 1 is what I call the Baap-Beta Breed. Such folks invariably name their password after their parents, spouses, kids, or pets. My gut feel is nearly 50% of our universe will be populated by these family-loving, Karan Johar movie-watching, closet conservatives. A classic example of this ilk is Karunanidhi. I wonder if his password starts with R or D.

Type 2 is the Unrequited Lover. This beer-glugging, dard-bharey-geet-listening, poetry-penning romantic has the habit of immortalising names of old flames in passwords. Some one like Salman might fall into this category. I suspect, one of his khuljasimsims, would surely be BewafaAsh or ZaalimKatrina.

Type 3 is the Lewd Dude. High on libido, low on fidelity, these hot rods have multiple usernames and usually, a smorgasbord of sexually-loaded passwords to choose from. From all media accounts, Shane Warne shows all signs of being one. I won’t be surprised if his current password is FizzHurley.

Type 4 is the I-like-me generation. Predictably immodest, these bloat heads see no fault in embedding their royal names in the password. You Tube legend T Rajendhar is the kind of bloke we are talking about, here. Knowing him, he’s capable of selecting RajendharMadhiriStarEnrumVaraadhuSaar - even if it has 37 characters!

Type 5 is the ubiquitous Destiny Believer. Superstitious, entrepreneurial, ambitious and totally bhagwan bharosey, this person prefers using the date of birth as the alpha numeric code. Yeddy2721943 is the genre I am talking about.

Now that you’ve hacked into my little theory of passwords, it’s time you logged into your mind and answered one small question: So what type are you?